BRITISH FAT CATS…..by Vengrai Parthasarathy
On August 15, 1947, he tides of history have washed away the legacies of British rule in India . Those were days when Indians meekly accepted the status of ‘Subject of His Majesty the King’’ before being rousted by Gandhiji with his ‘Quit India’ movement, John Bull is the collective nickname given to ‘typical Englishmen’. Many of them who served here belonged to the ICS cadre, which Mr S.Satyamurthy, the combative Parliamentarian, facetiously termed as being ’neither Indian, nor civil nor a service.
Some incidents about English officers are worth recalling.
One of the perks which government staff enjoyed in the hey-days of the British was ‘Casual Absence’ which enabled employees to come late or go early from work. for religious reasons, such as Ekadasi, Amavasya, Sankranthi.
Taking advantage of the ignorance of the English Collector about these observances, a cantankerous head clerk one Mr. Jambunath took leave of absence whenever he felt like it on the excuse of marjala prasavam, which the boss thought was one of those Hindu ceremonies. This was going on rather frequently and one day, when confronted, he told the Collector, tongue in cheek, that it had to do with planetary dispositions and was observed with fasting.. The Collector swallowed the story hook, line and sinker.
On the last day of his tenure in India, the Collector was given a farewell party a number of speakers spoke. Jambu, in his speech, first laid it out with a trowel , flattering the Collector in hyperbolic terms.. Then, knowing nothing more was expected from the retiring Collector, he told the people there how he had hoodwinked the boss and went on to explain that marjala prasavam literally meant ‘ Childbirth of Cat’, Somewhat flushed in the face and showing but a faint glimmer of anger , the English- man joined the merriment.
When his turn came to thank he said that he had received an important telegram that day from London. about which he had not told them because he did not want to throw cold water on their enthusiasm by canceling the engagement. Moreover, he added, with a nod and a wink at Jambu that he wanted to hear what his staff thought of him. He had received orders asking him to stay on and send proposals for reducing the staff. of that office since overheads were getting out of control.
Jambu’s face was blanched, as if all blood had been drained out of it. There was an eloquent silence all round. After the party, when boarding the car he told Jambu ’It was my turn to pull your leg; I was just joking!’
The next tale concerns an Indian ICS officer, one of those toady types who knew how to say ‘Yes, Sir’ in fourteen languages to his English bosses. One time, he was entertaining his English boss at his home for Tea . When the latter’s father happened to pass them in the drawing room, he overheard his son referring to his father as the cook of the family. The westernized son was ashamed ofthe look of his orthodox, dhoti-clad father who was a retired teacher. with tuft and vibhoothi.
When the time came for the boss to take leave the father, unexpectedly made his appearance, gave a ‘Namasthe’ with folded hands and told the white man with a straight face, ‘ I am the cook here. I enjoy many privileges and a special privilege I get is that I sleep with his mother”, he said pointing to his son. The son had nowhere to go and hide!
And then there was this Judge notorious for his cutting manner of insulting Indian lawyers.. On one occasion he went beyond bounds and snubbed a prominent lawyer known for his courtly manners and self- esteem. Mr.T.Rangachariar, the lawyer in question, who had considerable clout being Deputy President of the Indian Legislative Assembly, walked out in protest and ignored the judge’s invitation to his chambers for patching up.. Rangachariar insisted on and got the apology in the same open court where he was insulted.