PLATONIC LOVE? WHY NOT?
BY Vengrai Parthasarathy
Is it possible for a man and a woman to have friendship, untrammeled by physical senses and considerations of sex? Platonic love, anyone? Here are some loosely connected thoughts.
It is said that Platonic love is a kind of spiritual love, a relationship without sensual implications. That is how we understand it today. But this phrase was used by Plato to refer to the loving interest that Socrates took in young men. Words have nuances of meaning. Friendship, it is said, is a hoary institution older than empires and kingdoms. and modern civilization.. How does one define such an old institution, if it can be called that? By distinguishing it from something else? By comparing it with romantic love? By saying what it is not? Or, by listing out its attributes like loyalty, intellectual proximity and identity of interests and capacity to overlook the other’s faults? It is all this and more .
According to a famous writer, a friend is a present you give yourself. Cole Porter had a nomenclature for it. He called it ‘Blendship’. That says all that needs to be said. When Bernard Shaw’s friend of forty years , William Archer , died, the Bard said ‘he took of piece of me with him’. Was their friendship a case of a younger admirer showing obsequious loyalty or was it a friendship borne out of mutual respect?
There have been many cases of classic friendship between two men who had mutual respect for each other. Or, put another way, friendship filled empty spaces in each lives. This is something which can apply equally to men and women. But sadly it has not happened As between man and woman, the problem is drawing a line demarcating love and friendship. Why should this line be drawn outside the bedroom door. Love and friendship can co-exist without sexual overtones. Can it?
One obvious feature of true friendship is the capacity to be happy in each other’s company And, tolerate each other’s weaknesses. The Old Testament speaks of friendship between two kindred souls—Ruth and Naomi—two women. When we talk of mother-in-law we immediately jump to adversarial relationship . The relationship of these two women transcended this view. Instances of friendship between women have remained unsung perhaps because they are few and far between. A meaningless prejudice about woman’s incapacity to respect another of her own sex, is a fiction foisted by chauvinistic men interested in fostering such a notion.
All that is needed for communication is a silent squeeze of the hand which speaks more than words.
One question is: Is it feasible to have a friendship free from sensual grossness? The answer is a dubious, tentative yes. There is no doubt that we have inherited an Adam and Eve curse which continues to haunt us like a shadow which cannot be shaken off.