British Fat Cats (MSN )

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BRITISH FAT CATS

-by Ven Parthsarthy Wednesday, April 02, 2008

  One of the perks which government staff  enjoyed   in the hey-days of the British was ‘Casual Absence’ which enabled employees to come late  or go early from work. for   religious reasons, such as  Ekadasi, Amavasya, Sankranthi, Eclipse . Taking advantage of the ignor -ance of the English Collector about these observances, a loveably  cantankerous  head clerk  one Mr. Jambunath  took leave of  absence  whenever he felt like it  on the excuse of  marjala prasavam,  which the  boss thought was one of those Hindu ceremonies. This was going on rather frequently  and one day, when confronted, he told the Collector, tongue in cheek, that it had  to do with  planetary  dispositions  and was observed with fasting.. The Collector swallowed the story hook, line and sinker..

  On the last day of his tenure in India, the Collector was given a farewell party a number of speakers  spoke. Jambu, in his speech, first  laid it out with a trowel ,  flattering the Collector in hyperbolic terms..  Then,  knowing  nothing  more was expected from the retiring  Collector, he  told the people there  how he had hoodwinked the boss and went on to  explain that  marjala prasavam  literally meant  ‘ Delivery  or Childbirth of  Cat’, Somewhat flushed  in the face  and showing but a faint glimmer of anger , the English- man  joined the merriment.  When his turn came to thank he said that he had received an important   telegram that day from London. about  which he had not told them because  he did not want to throw cold water on their enthusiasm by cance- ling  the engagement. Moreover, he added, with a nod and a  wink at Jambu   that  he wanted to hear what his staff thought of him. He had received orders asking him to stay on and send proposals for reducing the staff. of  that office since overheads were getting out of control. Jambu’s face was blanched, as if all  blood had been drained out of it. There was an eloquent silence all round. After the party, when boarding the car he told  Jambu ’It was my turn to pull your leg; I was just joking!’

The next  tale concerns an Indian ICS officer, one of  those  toady  types who knew how to say ‘Yes, Sir’ in fourteen languages to his English bosses. One time, he was entertaining his English boss at his home for Tea . When the latter’s  father  happened to pass them in the drawing room,  he  overheard  his son referring to him as the cook of the family.  The westernized son was ashamed of his  orthodox, dhoti-clad father who was  a retired teacher. with tuft and vibhoothi..When the time came for the boss to take leave the father, unexpectedly made his appearance, gave a ‘Namasthe’ with folded hands and told the white man with a straight face, ‘ I am the cook here. I enjoy many privileges and a special privilege I get is that I sleep with his mother”, he said pointing to his son. The son had nowhere to go and hide!

And then there was this Judge notorious for his  cutting manner of insulting Indian lawyers.. On one occasion he went beyond bounds and snubbed a prominent lawyer   known for his courtly manners and self- esteem. Mr.T.Rangachariar, the lawyer in question, who had considerable clout  being  Deputy President of the Indian Legislative Assembly,  walked out  in protest and ignored the judge’s invitation  to his chambers for patching up.. Rangachariar insisted on and got the apology in the same open court where he was insulted.
(Vengrai@hotmail.com)